Sunday, September 14, 2014

dream diaries !!

.....the train was about to start. I entered the first car with all my bags n started walking through the crowd. As i passed, I could recognize many faces. I din't remember those names, but I was sure I knew all those people; at some point of time. I felt each car and the people sitting there denoted an era. I couldn't believe I was seeing those long lost faces and some who were always part of my most cherished memories. I kept walking and listening to some weird voices. I couldn't understand a thing. There were different moods, happiness, fear, silence, loud noises. No-one paid attention to me. I felt as if they could not see me. I reached the last car and saw my name written there. I put in all my luggage and got settled. I wondered why did they decide to put me in place where I did not know anyone. There were a few kids playing there, they could see me. They told me their names and went back to play. They came back, asked me if I had anything to eat. I gave them food. They left again.

I was really missing my family, my friends. I wished someone I knew would come sit with me. I asked the kids if they could pass the message along the cabins that I was here. I was sure someone 'd come if they knew I was here.

Yes, he did, he did come. I became so happy...But then the big guy came. He told him that he had to go back, back to his place, as he didn't belong here. After all there was a place for every one. I couldn't do a thing....n I turned n started looking through the window. I always loved doing that when I was with him....

Monday, August 11, 2014

....feeling loved


..was a very long tiring day. I was filled with dust head to toe. As soon as I reached home the little one jumped over me with all the joy of seeing me after a long day. I was happy to see him too but was too tired too stressed. I din't remember when last time I felt this exhausted, physically and mentally. Not just exhausted I think I was too sad too. I gave him a smile and a hug. And then went straight to the wash room to get cleaned up. My face was all covered with foam when I heard him trying to rotate the door nob. Next I saw a  little hand coming inside, trying to reach mumma. I opened the door. Just to hide how I felt, I guess, I kept splashing my face with water little longer and I think he kept looking towards me. And then,
He: mumma, are you okay?
Me: yeah
He: mumma, can i tell you something?
Me: yeah
He: i think i really love your eyes
Me: really, why
He: umm, because they look so pretty to me

oh my, did anybody ever told me that..I looked towards him...and then the love that I saw in his eyes for me, I am not sure if I ever be able to put that in words..and I thought wasn't I still the most blessed soul, yes I was, I am; I could not thank God enough for that...:)

Monday, May 12, 2014

....i pray for myself !!


.......i switched off the lights and laid down beside my little one to tuck him to sleep. we did our little prayer together. he gave me his daily ritual hug and we started our little talks.

he: i love u mumma 
me: i love you too..
he: i love u infinity mumma 
me: aw..i love you too my baby
he: mum-mah, i am not a baby, i m big boy 
me: u ll always be my baby..
he: even when i m 5 years old
me: yes
he: even when i m 10 years old
me: yeah
he: even when i m 20 years old
me: yeah
he: even when i m 30 years old
me: umm i may not be there then 
he: why
me: i may die by then
he: what does die mean
me: it means mumma ll become a star
he: u mean u won't be here
me: yeah, i won't be here, but i ll be, i ll be like a picture, you can still talk to my picture
he: okay..

n he slept and i was sure he started weaving all those super dreams with super why and super man..
i as usual was too tired too stressed but not sleepy. i got up, went to the kitchen, made myself a cup of tea..
i sat in my patio, it was too cold, i could barely see a few stars and the little moon-light coming far from the end...i think i was lost in my troubled thoughts when i heard him..i went inside and realized he was crying in sleep, i held him in my lap and tried to wake him up so he can come out of that bad dream and feel better.
he woke up, hugged me tight and said

he: mumma, i don't want you to ever become a star, even when i turn million years old. i want you around me all the time

me: oh my baby, sure, i promise u, i ll always be with u, for-ever. 

once again, i hugged him tight, started running my fingers through his hair until he slept..

& i said my prayer to God, first one for myself

me: oh dear God, please bless me to live healthy till my son needs me..!!

& i don't know when i fell asleep & peacefully this time..

Friday, April 25, 2014

..rain n me


u are the one who never fail
to touch my heart
n brighten up my soul
my love for u
..is gonna last forever..!

song of the day: boondan boondan

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

..ur lil one's prayer !



..you taught me to stay guarded 
..you taught me not to seek no-one's sympathy
..you taught me to deal it your-self
..n all these years, i never realized it could be so heavy a load to bear
m loosing it again, come save me my angel

Friday, February 28, 2014

lovely rain !


....& a cup of tea with a good friend 's all that's needed right now..!