Monday, May 12, 2014

....i pray for myself !!

.......i switched off the lights and lay down beside my little one to tuck him to sleep. we did our little prayer together. he gave me his daily ritual hug and we started our little talks.

he: i love u mumma 
me: i love you too..
he: i love u infinity mumma 
me: aw..i love you too my baby
he: oh mum-mah, i am not a baby, i m big boy 
me: oh my u ll always remain a baby for me
he: even when i m 5 years old
me: yes
he: even when i m 10 years old
me: yeah
he: even when i m 20 years old
me: yeah
he: even when i m 30 years old
me: umm i may not be there then 
he: why
me: i may die by then
he: what does die mean
me: it means mumma ll become a star
he: u mean u won't be here
me: yeah, i won't be here, but i ll be, i ll be like a picture, you can still talk to my picture
he: okay..
..& n so n so n so....

he slept and i was sure he started weaving all those super dreams with super why & super man..
i as usual was too tired too stressed but not sleepy. i got up, went to the kitchen, made myself a cup of tea..
i sat in my patio, it was too cold, i could barely see a few stars and the little moon-light coming far from the end...i think i was lost in my troubled thoughts when i heard him..i went inside and realized he was crying in sleep, i took him in my lap and tried to wake him up so he can come out of that bad dream and feel better.
he woke up, hugged me tight and said

he: mumma, i don't want you to ever become a star, even when i turn million years old. i want you around me all the time

me: oh my baby, sure i promise u i ll always be with u, for-ever. 

once again, i hugged him tight, started running my fingers through his hair until he slept..

& i said my prayer to God, first one for myself

me: oh dear God, please bless me to live healthy till my son needs me..!!

& i don't know when i got asleep & peacefully this time..

Thursday, May 8, 2014

...just a friend !!

......waking up from the sleep was always difficult for me but this time it felt very uneasy. I didn't remember if I had a bad dream or was I just too tired. Slowly I tried to move the fingers, everything felt sore, may be I was about to fall sick. Oh I could not afford to get sick. Its so difficult when you have a little one to take care, when you are working and when you have a house to look after. With lot of difficulty, I opened my eyes. It felt so bright. I slowly got up from the bed. The surroundings looked familiar but no it wasn't my home. I tried to peep through the window. The street outside, yes I knew this one, since forever. It was my grand-mom's home and this street I have played in all during my childhood days. Suddenly somebody opened the room. I turned and saw her standing there, firm. I knew her. She was a friend. I asked her how did I get here. She did not answer, just asked me to go to bed again. She seemed upset to see me walking around. But no I didn't want to be here. I could sense there was something wrong. I had to go, I was feeling sick here. I struggled against her to move out of the room. I was feeling so weak. There were all kind of voices I could hear. Just then I saw him there, coming towards me. She let me go to him. I hugged him, it seemed long since I have seen him. I hurriedly started telling him that she was keeping me here, that she was being so mean to me, and silly me, I thought she was a friend. 
"yes she is, she is taking care of you since all these years when you were asleep" was all that he said to me and I could not believe a word.....seemed life played another game to me !!

.....& I woke up from the sleep once again. This time, yes I could believe what he told me. I never realized she was indeed taking care of me since all these years. Life has always put us together in different places. She has always been nice to me. She has always been just a friend, never a special friend, never a best friend, but unlike some her friendship never came with an expiry date, it was indeed forever. Sometimes dreams teach us lessons...!