feeling loved

..was a very long tiring day. I was filled with dust head to toe. As soon as I reached home the little one jumped over me with all the joy of seeing me after a long day. I was happy to see him too but was too tired too stressed. I din't remember when last time I felt this exhausted, physically and mentally. Not just exhausted I think I was too sad too. I gave him a smile and a hug. And then went straight to the wash room to get cleaned up. My face was all covered with foam when I heard him trying to rotate the door nob. Next I saw a  little hand coming inside, trying to reach mumma. I opened the door. Just to hide how I felt, I guess, I kept splashing my face with water little longer and I think he kept looking towards me. And then,

He: mumma, are you okay?

Me: yeah

He: mumma, can i tell you something?

Me: yeah

He: i think i really love your eyes

Me: really, why

He: umm, because they look so pretty to me

oh my, did anybody ever told me that..I looked towards him...and then the love that I saw in his eyes for me, I am not sure if I ever be able to put that in words..and I thought wasn't I still the most blessed soul, yes I was, I am; I could not thank God enough for that...:)

i pray for myself !!

.......i switched off the lights and laid down beside my little one to tuck him to sleep. we did our little prayer together. he gave me his daily ritual hug and we started our little talks.

he: i love u mumma 

me: i love you too..

he: i love u infinity mumma 

me: aw..i love you too my baby

he: mum-mah, i am not a baby, i m big boy 

me: u ll always be my baby..

he: even when i m 5 years old

me: yes

he: even when i m 10 years old

me: yeah

he: even when i m 20 years old

me: yeah

he: even when i m 30 years old

me: umm i may not be there then 

he: why

me: i may die by then

he: what does die mean

me: it means mumma ll become a star

he: u mean u won't be here

me: yeah, i won't be here, but i ll be, i ll be like a picture, you can still talk to my picture

he: okay..

n he slept and i was sure he started weaving all those super dreams with super why and super man..

i as usual was too tired too stressed but not sleepy. i got up, went to the kitchen, made myself a cup of tea..

i sat in my patio, it was too cold, i could barely see a few stars and the little moon-light coming far from the end...i think i was lost in my troubled thoughts when i heard him..i went inside and realized he was crying in sleep, i held him in my lap and tried to wake him up so he can come out of that bad dream and feel better.

he woke up, hugged me tight and said

he: mumma, i don't want you to ever become a star, even when i turn million years old. i want you around me all the time

me: oh my baby, sure, i promise u, i ll always be with u, for-ever. 

once again, i hugged him tight, started running my fingers through his hair until he slept..

& i said my prayer to God, first one for myself

me: oh dear God, please bless me to live healthy till my son needs me..!!

& i don't know when i fell asleep & peacefully this time..

rain n me

u are the one who never fail
to touch my heart
n brighten up my soul
my love for u
..is gonna last forever..!

song of the day: boondan boondan

ur lil one's prayer !

..you taught me to stay guarded 

..you taught me not to seek no-one's sympathy

..you taught me to deal it your-self

..n all these years, i never realized it could be so heavy a load to bear

m loosing it again, come save me my angel

lovely rain !

....& a cup of tea with a good friend 's all that's needed right now..!

the words !

..bow your head

say a prayer

and weather the storm..!!

women that brought me up !

Maa..
the strongest woman that I know. My idol. the one I seek the inspiration from. the one who gives me strength each day. my lifeline & without her there 'd be no Me..!

Maasi..

the one who taught me to take those first steps..I don't remember a moment when she didn't love me as much as my mother did. so full of life, so courageous and so beautiful.

Maami..

my first & forever friend, the woman of substance. Giving & Sharing are the two best things that she taught me. I know even in the most difficult times of hers, she have given me everything that I needed. I can say for sure, both Baujis, in the heavens, are very proud of her..and so are we !

Di..

the purest soul, self-less. my weakness. I cannot love anyone more than I love her. This world is an amazing place only because it still has few people like her.

All that I am, I owe to all of you ... ! You are the best teachers and I remember & celebrate you each day of my life..!

Thank you for all your love..!